Solid Advice / Writies

Sex Advice for Committed Men (Probably NSFW)

ruth

There are things every married man should know…. these are not those things.

Gentlemen, let’s be candid here. This post is about sex. We love sex and women love sex (despite some of their best efforts to make us think otherwise).

Now, I am not a sex expert sexpert, but I am a pervert. Does that count? But I wanted to talk about some of the more important aspects/questions we men have about sex.

Is penis size really important?

I’m cutting right to the chase because this is concern numero uno on ever man’s mind. That probably explains why a lot of television commercials promise “enhanced manhood” or an erection that lasts 4 hours.

So is penis size really important? OF COURSE IT IS. But it’s probably more important to you than it is to your wife.

Men seem to be fascinated with the size of their own member (and I’m no exception). How else can you explain “average” penis length having a measurement (and subsequently a wikipedia page)?

Fun Fact: Most men breathe a sigh of relief that the continent of Asia is included in the calculation of average penis length, especially when you consider that Africa was included as well.

Women don’t need you to have a giant penis to enjoy having sex with you (but if you find a woman that prefers monster penises, you might want to take a deep reflective look at the type of women you’re attracted to).

Think of it this way, would you rather have the key to your house or the ceremonial key to the city? You know your house key does the trick and unlocks your front door, but WHERE IN THE HOLY HELL CAN YOU FIT THAT GIANT CEREMONIAL KEY? You can’t put that key anywhere you’d normally want to, I can tell you that much.

Do you know what a giant penis is good for? Porn, impressing your fellow brethren, and scaring people. That’s it.

Fun Fact: In men’s locker rooms, an individual’s propensity to cover themselves with a towel is an inverse relationship to how big their penis is and how old they are. The larger the penis or the older the individual is, the less likely they are to cover themselves with a towel.

Do you really think that most women  want something with the length and girth of a Pringles can rammed inside of them for an act that’s supposed to be pleasurable? I may be wrong on this, but I don’t think most women need your penis to touch their kidneys while having sex.

So do you really need a big scary dick to swoon the ladies? Well, they probably will swoon if your dick is that big, but only out of fear (not excitement).

How will I know if my girlfriend/wife prefers larger penises to smaller ones?

Have you shown her your penis? Did she laugh/snicker? If not, I’d say she’s okay with the size of your member.

Is she petite? Slightly larger? Amazonian? On the whole, a woman’s size (height, weight, etc.) can be a pretty good determination as to the penis size she’d be best suited for. But don’t judge a book by it’s cover. I’ve seen some midget porn that just astounds me as to how much lap hog a 3.5 foot woman can take. All I’m saying is you could be surprised.

Does my girlfriend/wife expect me to return the favor when she goes down on me?

Um, yea. She does. She always has.

Although there may be some exceptions, on the whole she probably expects you to return the favor. I seriously doubt that your girlfriend/wife is the Patron Saint of Blow Jobs, so when she’s done I’d say she’s probably expecting something in return for her endeavors.

Like at least a shopping trip or something.

Return the favor you selfish sonofabitch.

What are some things I can do to make myself more desirable to my girlfriend/wife?

Shower often and scrub that dick and those balls!

Are you a member of a gym or own home gym equipment? If so, use them. Take care of your body and your girlfriend/wife will take of your body, too.

Ohhhhhh yeahhhhhh. You know you like that idea.

A little bit of sweat and hard work will pay off when you’re rewarded with more booty from your lover. I mean, this is ModelHusband.com and not FilthyDisgustingSlobHusband.com, what did you think we were going to suggest? Gorge yourself on Cheetos, Little Debbies, and Battlestar Galactica reruns every day? GTFO.

Is it okay to ask my girlfriend/wife to do freaky things in bed?

It really depends on your relationship. It’s best to be open about your sexual desires and fantasies, but a word of caution; ease into the really freaky stuff. You might want to build up to some of your more freakier requests by talking about the less freaky ones first.

Want a finger in your butt? Of course you do! Who doesn’t want a finger in their butt while having hot, passionate sex!

But on the scale of 1 to 10 (1 being not freaky at all and 10 being sex acts that are illegal in at least a majority of the 48 contiguous states) don’t just jump to a level 9 request the first time. Test the waters of your girlfriend’s/wife’s freak-pool with a level 4 request (like some light choking/biting). You’ll get a better sense of her sexual boundaries without coming across as a complete weirdo in the event your sexual boundaries don’t exactly marry up.

Also, just because you desire something freaky, don’t just assume your partner wants the same thing. You might want to get permission first before you go sticking your fingers in your girlfriend’s/wife’s pooper.

Fun Fact: Most pre-marriage counselors don’t really ask about each person’s sexual desires and boundaries, leaving much to be learned in marriage.

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