If you happen to be a guy with both a significant other and a solid stable of bros, you’ve probably heard the phrase “Bros before hoes” uttered by at least one of the aforementioned bros. It can be a difficult thing to hear, especially when you’re trying to balance an intimate relationship alongside the needs of your closest dude friends. That being said, this concept of putting your bros before your hoes is not only a dangerous strategy but one that doesn’t take into consideration that you’re perfectly capable of having a healthy balance of bros and hoes. Here are some things to take into consideration.

Before you begin feeling guilty about spending time with your hoe, consider the source of the bros before hoes conversation. While some bros may actually feel that you’re spending too much time with your hoe, most are actually just lonely themselves and can only cope with their lack of affection when surrounded by bros in similar situations. It’s always interesting to see the metamorphosis that occurs when a “bros before hoes” slinging bro actually finds himself a hoe. Once a bro realizes how great it is to have a hoe, they’ll fully understand why you enjoy spending so much time with your hoe, but until that point it’s a hard concept for them to grasp.

Additionally, these bros may undermine your relationship with your hoe by playing the “bitch whip” card, which amounts to them claiming every request from your hoe is actually her way of controlling you. While such a thing could be possible, the majority of this “bitch whipping” is just your hoe wanting to continue to nurture your relationship. Unfortunately, the very act of claiming a bitch whip is enough to make most bros suspicious of their hoe’s intentions, thus potentially damaging a relationship’s foundation (which is what some unscrupulous bros may actually want). Don’t let outside opinions determine whether or not your hoe is bitch whipping you; if you feel like you’re being bitch whipped, take your hoe to the side and talk to her about it. A proper hoe will understand your concerns and reassure you that it was not her intent to bitch whip you.

I don’t want to make it seem like the issue of the bros before hoes debate lies squarely on the shoulders of bros as sometimes hoes can make maintaining friendships difficult as well. In the early stages of acquainting yourself with a hoe, it’s not unreasonable for a bro to share his concerns about you spending so much time with that hoe because he may be concerned about the repercussions should the relationship not work. Also, this may be his way of telling you that you’re smothering your hoe, which could be problematic in and of itself. There should be a gradual majority of time transference from your bros to your hoes as abruptness could rock the boat on either side. Regardless of how intense your relationship becomes, you should still make time for your bros as cutting them off completely will make them feel unappreciated and may limit their ability to provide you bro favors in the future.

In the worst case scenario, your hoe may actually be trying to intentionally drive a wedge between you and your bros. Regardless of how you feel about your hoe, this sort of behavior is telling of your hoe’s character and the deficits it may have. It’s one thing for your hoe to feel neglected should you spend a majority of time with your bros, it’s another thing for her to determine the amount of time you’re allowed to spend. That is a means of controlling a relationship (which happens of both sides of the card mind you), which may stem from low self esteem or experiencing similar behavior in a previous relationship or by watching her parent’s interactions. As mentioned above, converse with your hoe about your concerns as bottling them up only makes things worse.

If your bros are really looking out for your best interests, they’ll peel away their immature stances on your relationship with your hoe and realize she completes you. If your hoe feels strongly for you, she’ll understand that having bros is important and is an integral part of you maintaining a balanced social calender. Either way, it takes effort to balance your bros with your hoes though it is possible. In part 2 of this conversation, we’ll be speaking about appropriate bros and hoes ratios and how they should never be looked at as a constant.