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I’ll Share My Life, But I won’t Share My Pie: A Love Story

pie

I love my wife more than life itself. To me, she’s perfect, her faults so minuscule that they’re basically invisible to the naked eye. Unfortunately, there is one aspect of her character that grates at my soul. This flaw, while not necessarily reason for divorce has been the source of many a rage filled moments, moments where my vision goes red and my thoughts get cloudy. The problem is that my wife, as great as she is, has a bad habit of sampling my desserts.

When we said our vows, I’m pretty sure there was a part included that talked about material possessions and how what mine is hers and vice versa. I’m pretty cool with that agreement, especially since she makes more money than me and also has a really great sense of style. If I could add an asterix to that section, however it would be to clearly define the terms of dessert sharing.

During occasions where we order two separate items at a restaurant,  it’s an understood rule that each partner will share at least one bite of their meal with the other as long as the meal is comprised of items that the other  either 1.)knows they will like (I will never offer samples if the trade is mushroom related) or  2.)are trying for the first time. Additional bites can be acquired as long as both parties are in agreement or an individual becomes too full to continue enjoying their meal.

The problem with desserts is that my wife seldom orders dessert, so the dinner based agreement is null and void since she cannot offer a trade in return. Perhaps it’s selfish of me to be so territorial of my sweets, but when I order dessert I do so based on the amount of space I have left in my stomach. Even a single “sample bite” could prevent my belly from being adequately full, thus preventing me from enjoying my meal to a degree I’m comfortable with.

We’ve tried to rectify this problem by ordering two desserts regardless of whether or not she wants one, but then we run into the issue of sweet over-consumption. I was always taught to be a member of the clean plate club, so unless I hate something I feel responsible for completing the entirety of the meal. Dinner food is one thing, but sweet over-consumption tends to result in an almost catatonic state of lethargy that requires about 3 hours to overcome. Should we have plans for the rest of the evening, these plans will most likely lose their appeal regardless of previous excitement.

Some dining establishments have put into effect dessert samplers, which allow my wife to get the bite she needs while allowing me to ingest the perfect amount of dessert. These are few and far between, but cupcake places do tend to be the best at it because they sometimes offer both big and large versions of cupcakes (yogurt and ice cream places are good at this too).

Do you have a similar problem? If so let me know and perhaps we can hash out some kind of solution as a community. Until then, I’m hanging onto my pie with the grip of a lemur.

Sources

Eatocracy

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