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Product Reviews By Men: Pirate Pizza Will Steal Your Heart, Savagely Murder Your Hunger


As many of you know, I’m not exactly the king of romance. That being said, I’m trying to be the best husband that I can be and as a result, I’ve been focusing on improving in that department.  I’ve watched an assortment of romantic comedies, read books on the subject and have even studied couples while they’re out on dates. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that an intimate setting and delicious food is the perfect equation for a delightful evening and a delightful evening always leads to a satisfied wife. That’s why Pirate Pizza* is Berlin’s go to eatery for swashbuckling your wife into a love fueled state of intoxication.

While Berlin is host to thousands of impressive resteraunts (some of which actually offer a variant of pizza on their menus) none of them give off the illusion of eating aforementioned pizza in the bowels of a pirate ship. There’s nothing quite like imagining that you and your loved one are traveling the seven seas as stowaways, never knowing what port you’ll find yourself in next. If that imagery doesn’t start a fire in your heart, then I don’t know what will.

Even though it doesn’t necessarily fit with the pirate theme, the couple of times I went there Pirate Pizza  had professional wrestling playing at the bar. There’s something comforting about that, especially for a guy that spent a good deal of his teenage years dreaming about becoming a WWE superstar, but I digress.

In terms of food, Pirate Pizza puts together a very solid pizza pie, way better than the super thin diet food that most places serve here (European pizza is akin to a cracker in terms of depth). You can either choose from the predetermined Pirate Legends (pizzas named after sweet ass pirates that feature crazy topping combinations) or customize your own (the topping choices are very robust so if you want chicken and cheddar, you got it bro). Speaking of toppings, Pirate Pizza chefs don’t get too uppity with the amount  they throw on your pie, so you can expect a flavor explosion that will keep your taste buds talking for years to come. In fact, it might actually be hard for you to eat normal food after eating Pirate Pizza’s pizza, so be cautious. For those that don’t like pizza, there are plenty of other items to choose from, like salads and pasta dishes (which also have cool names, but unfortunately not as cool as the Pirate Legends mentioned above). I haven’t tried any of those, however as it kind of takes away from the whole eating pizza on a boat ambiance.

Like most eating establishments, Pirate Pizza has a variety of alcoholic beverages, a majority of which come in pirate sized glasses (in other words, big).  They’re perfect for swinging back and forth while singing songs, but for our particular night out I decided it was important to turn the romance knob up and the party knob down. That being said, it was tough not to imagine myself in the company of pirate friends, even though my wife and I had a pretty good time as well.

I guess I should get back to the part about how Pirate Pizza invokes romantic feelings,though in all honesty I think I already accomplished that. It’s safe to say that my wife was speechless throughout most of the evening, most likely overjoyed with my decision to lead us to Pirate Pizza as opposed to that quaint French place down the street.  If I’ve learned anything about women, it’s that they may act like they really want one thing but what they actually want is for you to surprise them with something unexpected and new. I accomplished that pretty easily and if you happen to live in Berlin or are thinking about visiting it with a  loved one, Pirate Pizza can help you do the same.


Pirate Pizza

One thought on “Product Reviews By Men: Pirate Pizza Will Steal Your Heart, Savagely Murder Your Hunger

  1. Pingback: Product Reviews By Men: Jacquet Waffles All Up In Your Biz | Model Husband

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