Some things go without saying in a marriage. Like loving the other person, going on romantic dates, even pooling your finances to buy that sweet leather recliner you’ve always wanted. But some things often go without saying, but are expected (or at least appreciated) nonetheless.

These are things you should do because you love your wife, but no one has probably told you to do these things (including your wife).

Quite honestly, let’s place the blame where it belongs; on our respective fathers. Our fathers should have imparted all their worldly wisdom to us regarding our marriage. That bastard has a lot of information he’s probably withholding from you right now so he can get a laugh at your expense.

NO MORE. That’s what I’m here for. To discuss the undiscussable. To reveal the unrevealable. To give advice on the unadvisable?

Do you want to know what really makes a woman happy?

Shoe sales.

Pedicures.

A massage.

Jewelry.

Chocolates.

A guy that listens.

The Bachelor/Bachelorette.

Grey’s Anatomy.

Nope, it’s actually a well manicured man-bush.

It’s common knowledge that women hate body hair on themselves, so what makes you think they like your body hair, let alone an unkempt man-bush?

I mean, women only wax/shave/pluck their armpits, legs, eyebrows, lady parts, faces, arms, feet, butts (ewwwww), stomachs and chests (in some cases), and God knows where else. A woman’s body is a proverbial scorched earth for hair follicles.

Do you think that if she endures collective hours of pain and suffering to remove her body hair that she doesn’t expect the same of you?

Now, I’m not saying you should bathe in Nair, but I am saying a well manicured man-bush (which I’m sure your wife prefers manicured to the point of bald) would garner you a lot of appreciation from your loved one.

I know you’re probably hesitant to engage in such nether-region grooming practices, and I personally don’t blame you. This is some high-stakes grooming you’re engaging in, considering sharp and pointy objects should never be in close proximity to your most prized organs. It runs counter to the most basic self-preservation instinct to ensure your dick and balls aren’t injured or mangled, amiright? Not to mention that if you go completely bald, you might have flashbacks to your prepubescent days (but hopefully not the inappropriate touching your 5th grade gym teacher put you through).

But let’s look on the bright side of trimming your man-bush; removing the black cloud of hair surrounding the base of your shaft will give your penis an additional visual inch in length.

You know who will appreciate that?

YOU.

F**K what your wife thinks about the size of your member, once you see an additional inch of lap hog staring back at you because you broke out the weed whacker, you won’t need further convincing to trim yourself again.

Seriously. All those emails and internet ads you see promising a couple extra inches of penis length can’t give you the solid inch in visual appearance that I just did. You’re welcome, guys.

So give it a shot. Your wife will thank you for it.