Writies

Ethan and Bill Explain WTF Has Been Going On

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Hello all!

As some of you may know, there’s been a lack of activity on this website before our content explosion over the past couple of weeks. We just wanted to let you know, it’s not because we’re lazy (well, we are, but the absence of new posts over the past couple of months is not directly related to that), it’s because we’ve been ridiculously busy doing other things.

Those things are not more important than bringing you fresh comedy, interesting perspectives, and tips for self improvement. But sometimes stuff just happens that keeps us from being able to sit down with our computers to write down our thoughts, feelings, ideas, and stories of utter humiliation.

It doesn’t help that the holidays are upon us and we’ve been spending an inordinate amount of time stockpiling Model Husband’s warehouses with discounted Tickle Me Elmos at Black Friday sales globally (Ethan’s been covering the European side, whereas I’ve been looking locally in Indiana and internationally on eBay). Our financial department has informed us that the return on investment of a Tickle Me Elmo is roughly 257%. So we threw all the money we had lying around for investments into these delightful little toys. Needless to say, we feel pretty confident in our current portfolio, although Ethan thinks we should have diversified with Furbies and Nano Pets.

Silly Ethan. Everyone knows Furbies and Nano Pets are so two-thousand and late.

I’ve been raising a small human for a couple of years and recently this small human has been sick on and off for about a month and a half. It’s like a cycle of death in our house. My daughter gets sick, passes it to my wife, who passes it to me, and I then pass it back to my daughter. In all of this, our dog has been 100% healthy and unaffected… sans the diabetes and cataract-induced blindness.

But I’ve also been working some pretty insane hours and exercising in my “free time”… which has left me with very little free time to do creative writing.

Ethan is doing some stuff in Europe and from what he’s told me, most of it is classified. He sends me thinly veiled messages at times giving me preparation advice, his most recent being “build and underground bunker… trust me”. His communication with me has been sparse and I assume (or would like to think it’s because) he’s deeply imbedded in a terrorist organization that fronts as a German soccer hooligan club. I would imagine he had something to do with the US Men’s National Team being grouped with the Germans for the World Cup.

Of course, he could just be on an Absinthe binge and incapable of writing coherent, rational thoughts. People sometimes forget that the Germans love mind altering hard-grain alcohol almost as much as they love lederhosen, beer, processed pork products, and David Hasselhoff.

So we’re still here and we’re still alive. At least I think Ethan is alive and I’m not currently emailing/facebooking with a German double agent who is capable of duplicating Ethan’s sense of humor.

We really don’t like to make promises, but we’re going to try to post more often after our Christmas break is over. While Ethan is secretly working for the Department of Homeland Security (and/or recovering from his Absinthe bender), I’m going to post some things on here once or twice a week. If you want updates on when we post stuff, follow us on Facebook so you can know the minute something new goes live on the website.

Thanks again for all your support, love, and cookies.

Merry Christmas, ya’ filthy animals.

2 thoughts on “Ethan and Bill Explain WTF Has Been Going On

  1. Good stuff, Bill. Now go dump your moose glass in a bowl of egg nog and make sure to lose at least 2 fingernails in it when you do it. It’s like salting the earth, egg nog edition.

  2. Good stuff, Bill. Now go dump your moose glass into a bowl of egg nog, and make sure to lose at least 2 fingernails in it when you do it. It’s like salting the earth, egg nog edition.

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