If that’s not diplomacy, I don’t know what is.

For the third year in a row, I have been crowned best husband of the year (HoTY) by my wife. As a result, I finally have the confidence I need to create a blog based on being a really great husband, full of adive about cuddling, cooking, raising children/pets and defending your homestead from all categories of intruder. This is the type of blog that will help bad husbands become good husbands and good husbands to become great ones (I don’t have the skills to elevate great husbands to exceptional husbands because that requires 5 consecutive husband of the year awards).

That being said, I’ve had a few detractors question whether or not I won this award legitimately and have requested that I release my scores for this past year as well as the scores from previous years. While I no longer have access to my scores from 2011 and 2010 (didn’t qualify for 2009), I made sure to have my tallies from this year as I had a suspicion that some might question the authenticity of my most recent HoTY. Here’s a quick breakdown of a few stand out categories, both good and bad:

Bravery-9/10

2010 was a weak year for bravery based on the fact that a drunk guy knocked loudly at our door in the middle of the night one evening and I asked my wife to go check it out as opposed to climbing out onto the balcony and surprising the potential home intruder. I still maintain that I was confused due to “sleepiness”, but I won’t contest my low grade.

While I got back on track in 2011, 2012 proved to be my bravest year yet with me performing a number of courageous feats. The biggest one was how calm I was during Our trip to Germany when turbulence hit. Everyone on the plane was pretty shaken up, but my cool demeanor gave them the strength to relax and ride it out.

I also went toe to toe in the street with an Irish Wolfhound. It wasn’t on a leash and I think it sensed my bravery, thus mistaking me for a wolf. Again, cooler heads prevailed and I took a diplomatic but stern approach to talking it down. We parted on good terms, though I hope never to run across that foul beast again or so help me I’ll strike it down with fist and foot.

Fitness-6/10

2011 was a year of pure fitness and sensuality. I completed a Tough Mudder, The Rebel Race and a number of other foot and leg muscle based competitions. At the end of 2011 I got a horrible case of poison sumac and almost lost 40% of my skin (or at least it felt that way). This more or less destroyed my motivation so 2012 saw the increase of my body fat ratio and the need for new pants. My wife took all of this into consideration during this year’s poll and let me slip by based on how many long jaunts I’ve taken while exploring Berlin. I was also responsible for opening all jars, wine bottles and just recently busted out a set of twenty push ups despite having a tummy ache.

Style-4/10

Style has never been my strong suit since I’m shaped like the thick bodied baby of a rugby player and a heavyweight Turkish freestyle wrestler. It always appears as if my clothing is trying its best to not explode off of my body in a shower of fabric and embarrasment. 2011 was a much better year for style. To add insult to injury, we now live in Berlin and everyone here is super fashionable so my inadequacies in this department are a lot more apparent.

I did, however purchase a leather jacket (it may or may not be real) during a cooperative shopping trip with my wife. It was a win/win because she says it’s fashionable and I look more like a gruff but fair private detective with nothing to lose.

Cleaning-5/10

I would have had a solid 6 maybe even a 7 if it wasn’t for the installation of lights in our flat. See, residences in Berlin don’t always come with the necessary appliances, so we went a few months without many light fixtures. This prevented my wife from seeing my poor attempt at cleaning as a bit of light organizing goes a long way in a poorly lit room. Then the lights got installed and my lackadaisical approach to home care was revealed.

What kept me from having a lower score was the fact that our cat Scuffles started vomiting and pooping all over the place after she snuck a couple bites of pizza from a box I had every intention of putting away. For a whole week I cleaned up 3-4 feline themed accidents a day which forced my wife to look past some the low quality work I’d done up until that point.

Cooking-8/10

I’m the only one that cooks in our household so anything less than 7 would have been a farce. A 9 or 10 were just out of reach because I’ve not grown accustomed to using fancy ingredients in the meals I create. It’s actually quite paralyzing to shop in Berlin and see cheese from all over the world just sitting there with a super casual look on its face.

Once our kitchen was installed, I surprised my wife with a classic; macaroni and cheese with hamburger in it. She was pretty happy to see some familiar comfort food awaiting her when she got home from work.

Support-9/10

I moved to Germany so that she could pursue her career in the corporate business industry, that’s pretty freaking supportive. I also encourage her by singing Joe Espisito’s “You’re The Best Around” every morning while she gets ready for work. I also compliment her quite a bit, my best being “You’re pretty” with “You’re the best business woman in the world” being a close second. I also have her back if a street fight ever occurs as we’re not quite sure how the gang territory is divvied up around Berlin.

Social Interactions-7/10

This was a hotly debated category. I felt like I became even more likable as the year progress though my wife argues it was because I just drank more and my drunken dancing and other antics made people laugh. To me, that’s still a quality of likability but she brought up a couple loose cannon moments that were the result of my over consumption of beer and other sinful beverages. We may have to include entertainment value to next year’s polling as social interaction is way too broad of a category as she thinks its more about appropriate social interactions while I think it’s smiles produced as a result of social interactions.

Either way, the 7 was the settled upon score as everyone loves a big dummy and I’m definitely that.

As you can see, I had some hits and some misses but the crown still rests upon my head and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. I feel that I am now completely validated in creating a blog about husband related things, though it’ll more than likely stray from topic every now and again.