There are a lot of conflicting views out there in regards to body image. On one side, we have the mentality that only super attractive, super fit individuals are worthy human beings while on the other hand there is the viewpoint that you should be comfortable in your own skin. While being comfortable in your own skin is all good and well, your comfort doesn’t necessarily take into account your partner’s comfort if the skin you’re currently in is not the skin they were attracted to in the first place.

When my wife and I first met, I was very fit guy. As much as I’d like to think that cosmetics had little to do with her being attracted to me, the truth of the matter is that physical attraction tends to be a catalyst for potential relationships. Eventually, she found other qualities that she admired but something had to peak her interest in the first place.As years went by, my personality traits she appreciated remained largely the same but I let the physical side of who I was slip and slide all over the place. There have been peaks and valleys, but at the time of me writing this piece I’m in a state of “festive plumpness”. While being chunky may be beneficial to my career as a lovable dimwit, it isn’t exactly adding to my marriage in any way.

Because she’s a sweetheart and loves me unconditionally, she doesn’t really comment on the soft layers I’ve been adding to my midsection, chin and rear end. Obviously, she’d prefer that I was more fit but she’d never say it. Because of this, I’ve become so comfortable in my skin that I’m no longer comfortable in my pants. That’s a problem. Now it’s definitely not my wife’s fault that I’m fat but I did tell her this past weekend that my motivation to get lean would be further enhanced if she wasn’t as accepting of my physical state.

If your guy is anything like me, conventional forms of motivation may not help when it comes to weight loss. Because of that, I’ve put together some valid reasons (outside of the obvious) that could help sway them towards a leaner lifestyle.

The Anti-Hipster

In this scenario, I’m assuming that your husband ridicules the idea of men wearing tight fitting pants as a fashion statement. Because I’m sure he’s still be trying to fit into the jeans he’s had for many years, it’d be easy to compare his pants to those worn by teenage hipsters. If your husband happens to be a hipster, point out the fact that “everyone is getting fat”, which will signal the counter culture aspect of his brain to activate his weight loss mechanisms.

The Doomsday

In this scenario, your husband is a few steps away from becoming a doomsday prepare. While listening to him rant about building a fallout shelter and stalking up on canned foods, bring up the fact that true apocalyptic sustainability would come from consuming items you grow yourself, like fruits and vegetables. Also, point out that in his current physical state, he probably wouldn’t be able to fend off against nomadic hordes or the mutated creatures that may exist in this future wasteland. If he truly is concerned about surviving as long as possible, he’ll jump into gear immediately.

The Super Sexy Coworker

In this scenario, you work with a guy that looks like he could model underwear for a living. Develop a non sexual relationship with him (this might lead to problems, but we’ll deal with that later) and then invite him over to help with some sort of project (I can’t stress this enough, but make sure he knows that project is not sex). Make sure you schedule this during a time when your husband is home as it’s important they are in the same room together. Then accidentally spill wine on his shirt, which will prompt him to remove it (as you have to deal with stains quickly), thus revealing his physique to your slob of a spouse. If your husband is the competitive type, this might also spawn a pushup or pullup contest, which he’ll assuredly lose because of his physical state. If all goes according to plan, this will force him into a training montage of sorts as a means of winning back your respect(Note: a fist fight could also break out, which is another way to motivate your husband but may negatively impact your professional life as well).

The Gross Out

In this scenario, your husband may get enough exercise  but eats like complete crap. This one is probably the most simple as it involves you bringing up disgusting subjects every time he’s about to start a meal. Be subtle at first, but work your way up to doing things like sneezing hard enough for snot to come out or getting ill and vomiting  Another sure fire way to turn his stomach is to “accidently” leave pictures that show the after effects of industrial accidents. He’ll eventually tie these images to the food he eats, thus preventing him from snacking too much on unhealthy options.

The “Has Your Penis Shrank?”

Nothing motivates a man more than holding on to what little length he already has. Simply alluding to the fact that his penis “seems smaller” is enough to put him into problem solving mode. Outside of surgery, the best way to increase the size of one’s member is to decrease anything obstructing the view. While Bill dealt with one half of this equation, the other revolves around the mounds of flesh that drive your husband’s penis into hiding. A man may be willing to sacrifice his health, but he’ll never sacrifice the size of his weiner.

If you married a fat guy and love the fact that he’s fat, then by all means continue with your life. However, if you happen to be one of the billion women that unexpectedly inherited one, don’t be afraid to call his attention to it, it may be the best thing you ever do for him.