Solid Observations / Writies

The Sexiest Wrong Impression: The Day My Wife Worked From Home


I would consider both my wife and me to be hard workers, though we definitely have different definitions of what hard work actually entails. Where as I put more importance in the thought process and preparation that occurs before hard work begins, she actually just works really hard and accomplishes the task at hand with very little, if any procrastination. This was never more evident than today when due to a doctor’s appointment, she decided to work from home.

Because our definitions of hard work are different, so too are our definitions of what makes a “work from home” day. To me, working from home means taking the usual 8 hour work day and drawing it out to about 14 or 15 hours, thus allowing one to spend a bit more time on tasks that an employer may or may not fully understand the importance of. Examples include sleeping in, taking longer lunches, trading in beer bottles for snack money, consuming those snacks and of course catching a nap around 2:00 PM when the work day is essentially over.

The problem is, I assumed all people viewed working from home in this way. When my wife said she’d be working from home today, I assumed it was a free day for us to spend time together doing fun things like playing games and holding hands in parks (though not for too long due to my sweaty palms and the unnaturally warm weather). Boy was I surprised when she woke up at an appropriate hour and immediately got on her computer to start doing real work. I was confused at first, thinking that perhaps I’d done something wrong and she was giving me the cold shoulder.

Being that I’m very pet like in my approach to getting her attention, I immediately started circling her makeshift work station, asking her if she was ok and doing my best to tease out any potential resentment. She said she was fine and that she was only trying to work. I didn’t buy it. I’ve read Cosmopolitan magazine before, I know that when a woman says she’s fine she actually means that she wants you to show her how much you care through displays of affection. Because I tend to eyeball the aforementioned magazine, I assumed showing affection meant turning my sexy level from a respectable and consistent six all the way up to ten (it goes to 12 but my access to jean shorts has been limited due to fashion themed concerns from outside sources, mostly my wife).

Fortunately, I’ve been growing a mustache for the last few weeks as a means of looking more professional when I cover a gaming convention in Cologne at the end of August. Being that a professional mustache and sexy mustache are  within a few rankings of each other on the mustache spectrum, I was already oozing an higher than usual level of sexiness.

Next, I would reverse the hard to get routine that my wife was apparently pulling on me by doing my usual routine of cleaning the house, acting as if she wasn’t even there. Women like a challenge and they also respect work ethic, so I assumed that showcasing both would help pull my wife’s attention from her work for just a bit.

Nature facilitated the rest of my climb up the ladder of sensuality as the extremely warm weather and lack of air conditioning “forced’ me to remove my shirt in an effort to cool off as I scrubbed the counter-tops and cleaned the cat’s litter.  I was a regular diet coke commercial and if that didn’t get her attention, I didn’t know what would. Unfortunately, my attention seeking acts would do little to pull my wife away from the work she was doing.

In hindsight, I probably lathered the sexuality on a bit thick. I also probably lathered it on the wrong sort of body composition as my muscles have been hibernating  a bit since German beer and readily accessible bakeries have been introduced into my diet. The reality of the situation was that even if I had been packing a six pack and the sort of calf muscles that would push tube socks far outside their comfort zone, my wife’s lack of interest was due in large part to the fact that she’s an extremely hard worker and has the discipline to actually accomplish tasks from the comfort of her home.

If anything, I could potentially be seen as a distraction and the best way to deal with distractions is to eliminate them (I watch a ton of movies, I know what eliminate means and it’s not good for me). I also realize that it would be hard for her to explain that the reason she didn’t get her work done was because of her husband’s misinterpretation of a Cosmo article leading him to believe that she was upset with him, thus forcing him to reenact a commercial from the 1990’s despite the fact he was ill equipped to do so.

I’m not entirely sure if seeing a true work from home day in action has changed my approach to them, but I now know that when my wife says shes working from home, she actually means it.


All Backgrounds (base photoshop image)

2 thoughts on “The Sexiest Wrong Impression: The Day My Wife Worked From Home

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