I’d like to think of myself as a social network savvy individual in that sense that I know how to operate said websites, but am not exactly good at keeping up on them. My Facebook is usually littered with the stupid photoshop pictures I create (as well as some drunken ranting) and it’s tough for me to think of things short enough for Twitter that have any sort of merit. Regardless, keeping your social networking possibilities on high alert is very important when trying to become a media mogul, so this past week I added a Pinterest page to my repertoire.
I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to do with Pinterest now, but my wife suggested that I look up new recipes to cook as she was getting tired of eating Mexican food every night (side bar: I cook Mexican food every night). I thought this was a pretty solid idea so I went to work searching for something fancy to make her. When looking through the “Food and Drink” section, I ran into my first big issue as I was visually assaulted by pictures of the most delicious food I had ever seen. These were not Instagram photos of someone’s latest Rally’s meal; they were professionally fluffed gourmet photos that caused me to sprout the largest food boner I’ve ever had (a food boner is exactly like a normal boner except that food is the catalyst and you just have to let it calm itself down as opposed to putting it to use since having sex with food is weird and gross). So instead of finding a recipe for dinner that evening, I got super hungry and just walked down to the store to get an ice cream cone and a rotisserie chicken.
Her other suggestion was that I try and find some stylish clothes on there since I recently told her I’d like to dress a bit more fashionably. In my eyes, dressing more fashionably meant getting a nice button down shirt or shoes that match my belt, but the flood of fashion that crashed down upon me was something I was wholly unprepared for. I live in Berlin so I’m accustomed to seeing well dressed people all over the place, but to realize that those people existed all over the world was a bit disheartening. It didn’t really help me find a new style either as I’m shaped like a dwarven rugby player where as most the men modeling the clothes in the “Men’s Fashion” section were, well male models. I ended up getting another boner soon after since I appreciate a well dressed man, though not necessarily from a sexual perspective ( if you haven’t guessed it, erections are just as much an extension of my emotions and tastes as they are my sexual excitement).
Seeing as I didn’t want my wife to come home and find me hard as a rock while perusing the internet, I decided to go check out the “Geek” section thinking it was an innocent choice. Low and behold, in addition to the “Doctor Who” quotes and video game fan art there was yet another treasure trove of boner material in the form of cosplayers. It’s like Pinterest was created as a means of stimulating random boners from it’s visitors as opposed to being a means of connecting your interests with that of millions of strangers. Considering that there’s probably a large demographic for boner related materials, they’ve apparently accomplished their mission.
I eventually ended up in the “Animals” section and am happy to report not a single boner occurrence during my two hours there. It’s like a safe haven of sorts, full of cats doing funny things and inspirational photos of wolves being courageous.
So for those of you curious as to whether or not Pinterest is the thing for you, I can safely say that it is as long as you’re not afraid of having a boner for a variety of reasons. Should you like to keep your web browsing PG, stick to the animals section; it will make you laugh, it will make you cry but most of all it will make you think.
Ethan Moses will be casually exploring Pinterest over the next few weeks to determine whether or not he needs to cement himself in yet another online community